PLUMBING for DUMMIES
by etakkate
Summary: Let's take a stroll back to season five (pre-Hannah) to revisit that opportunity-filled scene under Booth's kitchen sink... after the lights faded, our favorite couple cross the line... a fun ONESHOT... rated M for a little naughtiness ;)


**This fiction is rated M for lighthearted naughtiness - please turn back now if you are under-age or are offended by such things. **

**You're still here? Well, I warned you!**

**I**** said I would never do smut but it's been well over a year since I've fanfic'd and I just had to give it a try *blushes* and I am very nervous about sharing it so, please review - even if it's to tell me to never go down that track again. **

**I don't own Bones but I love season five! This is just after that gorgeous, under-sink plumbing scene in The Bond in the Boot (5x2) that every true Bones fan adores. It's probably a little OOC but it's fun...  
**

_"My watch is ruined!"_

_"What do ya mean your watch is ruined, it's a Rolex!"_

* * *

Just as Booth shifted to turn the faucet off, the new section of pipe slipped from the existing plumbing with a burst of water, drenching Brennan fair in the chest – eliciting a fresh round of screams and giggles.

Brennan scrambled to her feet, slipping wetly across the timber floor, arms flailing wildly at the spray, "Booth! Ah! Turn it off! Turn it off!"

Laughing deeply, Booth complied but went just a fraction slower than he could have. Her shrieks and girlish squeals were such a delight to hear – he just wanted to savor the moment and enjoy it… even at the expense of his floors.

Still laughing, Booth got to his feet and tugged lightly at her hand, peeling back her wet sleeve, "You okay? Show me your watch there Bones." He tapped his finger on the glass a couple of times before lifting it playfully to his ear and throwing her a wide, teasing grin, "Huh! Look at that! Still ticking."

Brennan nodded and chuckled in agreement; her bright, open smile and the joyful glow in her eyes set his heart beating double time, shifting his thoughts, once again to very un-partner-like territory. Booth's smile deepened with quiet pride as he noticed she was affected too with a pink flush dusting across her water-wet cheeks. With a regretful sigh and gentle squeeze, he let go of her hand so that he could step back a little and tamp down the illicit temptation to do something stupid like kiss her... or maul her... or _both_. It was getting harder to hide it these days.

But, as well intended as this move was, it was about this time that it all started to unravel.

With just that little bit more room between them, it was all too easy for Booth to look down a little and when he looked down… well, let's just say, he didn't feel like looking up again in a hurry.

So, despite his virtuous character, his eye stayed good and fixed on the divine, dripping vision in front of him (he's still just a man, after all). Booth's usually flawless self-discipline was rendered useless as he drank in the sight… his own "in house" wet t-shirt dream contestant – with her pert, plump, pebbly and so very deliciously worship-able breasts, barely hidden by the lacy shadow and ice-blue hue of her bra (and now completely translucent shirt).

He was positively mesmerized… like a kid in a candy store… like a pig in mud… like a moth to a wild, burning flame. That is, he was until Brennan's amused voice interrupted his blatant staring, "Are you… Are you _ogling_ my breasts Booth?"

His wide, dark and rather panicked eyes flicked up to hers as he stuttered to explain, digging himself further into a hole of shame, "I ah… hmm… I… Bones, I'm sorry but you're… well, you're… _phwah_! _Beautiful_… and I'm a... man and... jeez this is coming out all wrong…"

Brennan's eyebrows crinkled into her thinking face monetarily before a self-conscious smile bloomed delicately across her lips as she listened to him splutter on.

A few more gears locked into place in her mind before understanding dawned across her face and she laughed, poking him in the chest accusingly, "_You! _You _ARE_ attracted to me! Granted, I do not possess the most defining physical features of the women you are _typically_ attracted to but, the… pupillary dilation, the inability to form a coherent sentence, the... _obvious_ fascination with my breasts… you _really_ _are_ attracted to me aren't you?"

He'd gone too far to deny it now so he sighed with resignation, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily, "Yeah Bones, I'm _really_ attracted to you. Happy now?" Booth ran a hand through his soaked hair and turned away to hide the shame on his face. He couldn't believe how utterly raw and ridiculous he felt and how quickly the mood had shifted. _She's laughing at me! I'm in love with the woman, she's _just_ worked it out and she's laughing at me!_

He huffed dejectedly and mumbled to himself, ""_Attracted?"_… damn understatement of the century!"

Contemplating the likelihood of being able to crawl up and die, Booth turned around only to find that she was working on the last button of her shirt. With no trepidation whatsoever, Brennan peeled the shirt off her wet body leaving him wide-eyed and gasping with the unforeseen exposure of two perfect, lace-bound breasts, just singing for him to reach out and touch them.

The thwack of the wet blouse on his hardwood floor pulled him out of his stupor, "Bones… what are you…"

She shot him an impish smile (_and, was that a... wink?)_ before shimmying out off her wet pants, revealing a matching slip of ice blue lace over kissable porcelain skin. And, as if it were the most normal thing in the world for work mates to see each other naked, she held a pruney palm out in gesticulation as she answered, "I just thought... given your attraction, you'd like the opportunity to look without the encumbrance of clothing."

Brennan reached behind her for the clasp of her bra and Booth leveled his dark eyes on her, cautioning her low and breathless as he stalked slowly towards her, "Bones, if you do that you are crossing the line."

She suddenly paused as her heart dropped heavily in humiliation at her obvious misunderstanding... but he continued in a gravelly voice, pushing into her space, "And once you have crossed over to _this_ side of it I swear I will not let you go back to your side." He gently tapped a finger under her chin to bring her eyes up to his, "Do you understand me, Bones? This can't be just a one-time thing… not for me."

Her teeth pulled worryingly on her bottom lip - the only outward indicator that she was just as aware as he was of the seriousness of the situation, before she swiftly undid the clasp and freed her breasts.

She held the lace out parallel to her body and dropped it to the floor - metaphorically waving the flag to start the race, and with the green light; Booth was over the line, crashing his lips to hers in a rush of passion and years worth of pent up lustful energy.

Brennan's hands were everywhere, desperately seeking skin, up and under hems, teasing and pulling, tugging and scratching. Booth stepped back momentarily and with a saucy grin, reached over his shoulder, grabbed a fistful of shirt, pulled it over his head and off - affording his grateful partner a better view and more bare skin to purchase.

As his lips sucked and soothed the line of her neck, she whined in breathless frustration, "Booth, please… "

She felt his smile tickle her skin as he nuzzled and kissed up to her ear, "What Baby?"

Her reprimand was cut short when he ran a teasing finger over a nipple, "Booth… Ah! Please… I need you."

He ran his hands down the sides of her breasts; down and over her ass with a squeeze, "Well, seeing as you said please… saddle up Bones."

She squealed with surprise as he lifted her by the ass; reflexively wrapping her legs around his waist. Looking down at him, her eyes twinkled with mischief as she purred and tapped his butt with the heal of her foot, "Well, Giddy up, _Baby_."

* * *

After a few short stops pressed up against the hallway walls, and with the collateral damage of an unfortunate picture frame (he'd clean it up in the morning) they made it to his room where he threw her on the bed. Without preamble she ordered, "Take off your jeans!"

Booth obliged with spying eyes as she crawled up on her back and elbows to the bed head, "Yes Ma'am!"

Down to his briefs, he stalked low across the bed with a predatory grin, running a hand up her leg as he went, he stalled at her panty swathed center and breathed in deeply as his eyes rolled back in pleasure, "God, woman, you smell so… fucking… hot."

Brennan groaned with arousal, trying to form a coherent thought, she started, "It's the… the blood vessels in my..."

He wasn't going to let her squintify the experience so he placed an open mouth kiss over her lace covered heat, gave a bit of a lick and a nibble then pulled back to blow a teasing breath where his lips had just been. His ministrations were rewarded with a shivering whimper, "Oh God… Ah… Booth! Please get up here... I find I really, really need to kiss you!"

On the slow journey up to her mouth, his tongue dipped and swirled into her sweet navel, drew lazy circles around her left nipple and flicked spine-tinglingly over the right.

By the time he reached her mouth, he was so achingly hard; he ground into the heat of her, talking reverently between kisses, "So beautiful… God Bones… you have any idea what you do to me?" She offered a throaty chuckle and attacked his lips with fervor.

After a series of hot, wet kisses to her neck (some that were bound to leave marks) Booth pulled back to look into her eyes when she started struggling with his underwear, "Bones, I… I've gotta talk to you about something before we get too carried away."

"I'm already too carried away... kiss me!" Deliriously aroused, Brennan, none to gently reached up and pulled him back down to her lips.

He lost himself for an uncountable number of steamboats before he pulled back gasping for air, "I'm… I'm serious Temperance, listen, please."

At the sound of her first name she pulled back, exasperated and panting, "What, Booth? Please don't tell me you've changed your mind because I need you inside of me or I swear, I know it's not logical but I'll explode. I'm certain I will."

He looked down at her flushed, frustrated face and laughed warmly, "Me too baby, I just… I just need to know you're sure about _us_." His thumb gently teased the lip out from her nibbling teeth and he sighed, going all in he whispered fervently, "I _love_ you Bones. I am _in_ love with you and, it's OK if you don't feel the same but, God, It'd kill me if you didn't feel… something other than just… you know, biological urges and physical attraction. I want to be _with_ you… as your partner, not just/ _just_ your partner, as your…"

She cut his rant off with a teary smile and kissed him deeply until they were, once again gasping for air, "I have loved you for longer than I think you realize, Booth. I've just been waiting for you to catch up."

A shocked smile lit up his face, "Yeah?"

"Yes, now please, dispose of your tighty whities and make love to me!"

Openly laughing now, he plucked a kiss from her lips, "tighty whities?! Ha ha! Where did you get that from?"

"Angela."

He shook his head with a smirk, "I should have known."

"I was explaining to her the benefits of boxers over briefs. I told her you wore white briefs and she…"

Booth's eyes bulged, "You told her I… how did you know I...?"

Brennan clucked impatiently, shucked off her panties, and flipped him over, "We can talk about it later Booth, now please shut up, take your pants off, and get inside me... _Please!"_

When he'd obeyed her first two orders; wasting no time with requests or invitations, she sunk down on him, taking him inch by glorious inch into her welcoming center. Overwhelmed by the sudden spiral of connection, she paused as a flush of vulnerability and raw emotion shivered through her body. Her lidded eyes bored into his as she pleaded, "You really love me, Booth?"

He pushed into her, filling her completely and reached up to cup her face as he kissed her reverentially, "I do, Baby, so, _so_ much."

She moaned with the sensation and set a pleasurable tempo, he reached up to take the tips of her breasts in his mouth and flicked his tongue lightly over the tight, pink peaks - delightfully alternating between the two, "I love you, Booth, it's just… so scary… this feeling… Oh, God that feels good… "

Her rhythm increased and she lent down to suck at his ear, his neck, his mouth, hungry for all things Boothy, clearly ready to erupt with pleasure; she panted keening crescendos of pure, breathless bliss, "Oh, Booth… I can't… I'm so close."

Booth took her face in his hands and implored earnestly, "Come for me baby... please... I've got you."

With that, Brennan ground into him with desperate abandon till she fell apart in his arms, crying out his name, clutching at him frantically.

Flipping her onto her back, Booth pounded into her three, four, five times before he fell over the edge and brought her with him for a blazing second time. Tears pricked at her eyes as she panted unintelligibly, "Oh Booth… Ah… Oh, God, I… wow."

After a good few moments, he rolled them so they were facing side by side while they continued to catch their breath. Kissing the tears from her eyes, he smiled tenderly, "I am never going to let you go, you realize that right?"

She smiled uncontrollably, her eyes alight with joy, "That is very improbable and highly impractical."

He chuckled and delivered wet, ticklish kisses along her throat, "I don't care... I love you... You're stuck with me."

Giggling, she pushed him away and settled comfortably on his chest as he ran his fingers leisurely over her back, "I could think of worse things to be stuck with."

"Yeah, like an apartment with no water, water damaged floors and an eight hundred dollar plumbing bill?" He mused for a bit then laughed, "Ha Ha, Plumbing for Dummies alright... but we make a pretty impressive Dummy pair, hey Bones?"

Brennan sighed and looked up at him with a warm smile through her lashes, tracing a finger over his precious heart, "Yeah… but I don't think we're dummies, Booth... I honestly don't think we could have done a better job."

His grin lost its playfulness and he lovingly cupped her face... bringing it up to his, he whispered kisses over her lips, "You're dead right, Bones... you're _absolutely_... beautifully... _perfectly_... 110% right."

* * *

**OK... a little nervous here. Please review and favorite.  
**

**(and didn't you just love that episode?)**


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